We have been going so well for so long and now we’ve had 2 slip ups in one week, the first one I realised what it was, it was as simple as me accidentally buying the “wrong” cooking oil. The second one I’m not so sure as on the weekend I got to be a bit spontaneous, cocktails out Friday night for a friend’s birthday then Saturday brunch for my hubby’s birthday. At both events I went through all food allergies with the staff, so you’d think I’d be safe.. Wrong , now I am left to wonder and wonder if I can go back to either venue or have similar foods again, probably not. So frustrating !! Trying so hard to do everything for my little Man and stuff like this happens, it drives me nuts cause there is just sometimes no answer and I’m such a solver, I always want to know so I can solve but I just cannot.
I should have known as soon as he woke at 5am screaming, as this doesn’t happen! He sleeps all night 7-7 and has for months now. I should have known when Panadol AND nurofen do nothing and he continues to scream. I should have known when cuddles don’t even seem to console him, he just goes backwards in pain and I can barely hold him. Then it becomes more and more evident as the day goes by, the rashes, itchiness ,so itchy that he scratches his face open no matter how short or how well you cut his nails, then the mucousy diarrhoea and sometimes blood. It breaks my heart.
Sometimes I wish I could just give up breastfeeding now because then I can control everything that goes into his body and there’s less chance of him being given an allergen. But I can’t. I have been given special allergen free formula and he hates it. I have tried many different things to “trick” him into having it, to give me some relief, or at least maybe when I’ve accidentally had an allergen, to keep it away from him but he won’t have a bar of it he just spits it. The dietician said this is exactly what happens, unless the baby has had it from birth, they rarely ever take it as it does taste like crap!!
So here I am allergy free, hostage breastfeeding, don’t get me wrong , I still do love breastfeeding, I love the closeness and the special times feeding him and being able to nourish my baby but sometimes it just feels like I have poisoned him, that it’s all my fault and that it would just be easier and safer to just stop. So now we have to ride it out and hope that he gets better quickly. Screw you food allergies you really suck.
I know it could be so much worse but still it’s really not easy. Some days there’s just hardly anything for me to eat, nothing is easy nor convenient. It is socially awkward to go to events, there’s no such thing as spontaneity.
I was also hoping that he would have grown out of some allergies by now as he’s getting closer to 1 but nope they are still there. Grr.